My boyfriend wants sex, should I give in?

“We are in love. We should have sex.”

Your boyfriend is eager to take your relationship one step further. But you
are not so sure.

You’re at your wits end, trying to make a decision that is both best for
yourself and for your relationship.

The answer is easier than you think: If you don’t feel ready for sex, you can
always say NO!

Sex and maturity

Sex sounds like a lot of fun, but there’s more to it than pleasure. It takes
a lot of maturity to handle the responsibilities of sex, such as protecting
yourself from unwanted pregnancies,

sexually transmitted infections, and taking care of your own emotional
feelings.

If you are unsure whether or not to have sex with your boyfriend, try asking
yourself these questions:

1. 
   

   Do I know my boyfriend well enough?
   
    

   
   

   Sex is best between a couple who truly understand, trust and love each
   other. Spend more time getting to know each other and let time tell if you two
   lovebirds are truly compatible!



2. 
   

   My boyfriend says all our friends are sexually active. Maybe I should have
   sex too?
   
    

   
   

   In truth,
   
   only a small percentage of teens are having sex. Trust your instincts. If
   you are unsure, you are most probably not ready for sex. Believe in yourself
   and be proud that you choose to abstain even if you truely believe all your
   friends are sexually active.



3. 
   

   Can I talk to my boyfriend about this?
   
    

   
   

   If you cannot discuss sex openly with your boyfriend and voice your
   feelings about it, perhaps it is not the right time yet.



4. 
   

   Am I doing this to save my relationship?
   
    

   
   

   Having sex when you are not ready and for the wrong reasons might even
   worsen your relationship. If you two are having relationship troubles, maybe
   it’s best for you to spend more time understanding and talking to each other.



5. 
   

   Are we old enough?

   
   

   Under Singapore’s law, it is
   
   illegal for teens under 16 years old to have sex. The law is tougher on
   the guys, maybe because the girls are in a position where they might have to
   deal with unwanted pregnancy. If you or your boyfriend is underage, this is a
   good reason for you to postpone your plans for sex!

You can say NO

If you don’t feel comfortable about having sex, you have every right to say
NO!

• 
  You
  don’t have to have sex to prove your love. On the contrary, if he
  loves you, he will respect your wishes and understand your decision!


• Be confident. Your opinion matters in the relationship.
  There should be mutual respect between you and your boyfriend.


• No promises. You can say no anytime, even if you agreed
  earlier on to have sex. Explain your feelings and reasons to him. A good
  boyfriend will understand your discomfort.


• Avoid going to secluded spots and each others’ homes,
  especially when there are no other family members around. This ensures that
  you two will not have any chance to be alone and be tempted to have sex.


• Take precautions. If you have only known your boyfriend
  for a short time, take care and make sure he does not take advantage of you.
  
  Date rape often happens when drugs are slipped unnoticed into girls'
  drinks. So stay sober and aware. Also, using condoms correctly and
  consistently can lower the risk of contracting STI/HIV. However, incorrect
  usage or storage of condoms can reduce their effectiveness.


• Go on group dates. You can also go on group dates with
  other friends until you reach a good level of trust between and your
  boyfriend. Seeing how your boyfriend interacts with his friends will also help
  you understand him better. It will be fun!

Saying no when you are not ready can be easier than you think. Have faith in
yourself. Abstain, let your relationship grow, and when you are mature and
ready, you will not have any regrets!

Dating safely

Dating can be fun and exciting. However, remember to protect yourself against

date rape or dates gone wrong with these safe-dating tips:

• 
  

  Beware of impostors on the Internet.

  
  

  The person may not be who he or she claims to be. Take time to learn more
  about that person. If you are going on a date, bring a friend along.



• 
  

  Go on dates only when you know your partner better. Start
  with group dates

  
  

  Group dates with friends can be fun too, especially when you are still
  learning to trust your boyfriend or girlfriend.



• 
  

  Don’t go to isolated spots.

  
  

  Go for dates at places that are more crowded..



• 
  

  Always let someone know you are out on a date.

  
  

  Tell your friends or family where you are going and who you are out with.



• 
  

  Stay aware and sober.

  
  

  Never leave your drinks unattended because you sure don’t want anyone to
  slip
  drugs into it.



• 
  

  Express your feelings.

  
  

  If you don’t feel comfortable halfway through the date, you have the right
  to end it earlier.



• 
  

  If you’re unsure or uncomfortable about your date, talk to your
  friends about it.

  
  

  Share your dating stories with someone you can trust. Look out for each
  other. It’s good to start off with group dates, as you can observe how your
  potential boyfriend or girlfriend interacts with other people and gain
  insights into his/her character.

If you feel you are ready to start dating, go ahead and approach someone you
like and get to know each other. Even if it does not progress into a
relationship, you can still become good friends!

My friends think I spend too much time with my steady. They don't understand!

Have you been missing out on your CCA practices?
Been seeing less of your friends?
You may have even neglected your friends and your family.
Now that you’re happily attached, of course you are contented to spend every moment with your boyfriend or girlfriend!
However, there are other important relationships in your life which also need time and effort to maintain. While your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend is important, it should not overshadow everything else, like your family or friends. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is understanding, it will not be difficult for you to find time for your other friends. It’s about knowing how to maintain a healthy relationship with him/her.
What’s a healthy relationship?
Relationships are always exciting. It makes your heart go aflutter. It sends a rush of joy whenever you hold hands. It makes you feel happy just being with the person you love.
But there is a whole lot more to relationships than just the feel-good euphoria. Relationships should also be about mutual respect, trust, care and so much more.
1. Fairness and equality There should be a balance of power in a relationship. Neither you nor your boyfriend/girlfriend should be controlling each other. You should get to make decisions too, such as where to have dinner or which movie to watch at the cinema.
2. Trust and honesty The foundation of a relationship should not be built upon lies. Be open with each other from the start. Don’t keep secrets. Show that you have confidence and trust in each other.
3. Mutual respect and support Respect each other’s views and feelings, and be there for each other in times of need.
4. Separate identities Even as a couple, you should still be yourself and continue pursuing your own interests. The two of you are separate individuals with your own tastes, opinions, and preferences.
Striking a balance
Talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend. He/she should respect your feelings and understand that you both need to have some private time to do your own things.

Introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend to your buddies. Your boyfriend/girlfriend won’t feel jealous or insecure once he/she gets to know your friends and find out what wonderful people they are.

Organise activities with your friends and include your boyfriend/girlfriend. In fact, you can even invite his/her group of friends to join yours. The more the merrier!

Introduce your boyfriend/girlfriend to your family. This way you can spend time with all the important people in your life, at the same time.
Love yourself too
Sometimes a relationship can turn sour and abusive.
When your boyfriend/girlfriend shows signs of jealousy, it may seem flattering at first but can wear you down after a while. He/she is emotionally abusing you if he/she constantly bullies, humiliates, intimidates or threatens you.
Don’t take abuse in relationships lightly. Talk to someone you trust and seek help. You may still have feelings for your boyfriend/girlfriend, but it’s better to break off ties before you are hurt further.

I'm in love, but my crush doesn't know it!   

Every time your crush walks past your class, your heart flutters as you try
to steal glances and wave hello to him or her without getting caught by your
teacher. Every conversation with your crush sets your heart pounding, and every
smile from him or her puts you on cloud nine.

If only your crush knows how you feel!

Young love

Some call it love, some call it infatuation. But the attraction is
undeniable. There’s something about your crush that is exciting and
exhilarating.

The next logical step is to pluck up the courage and ask him or her out on a
date. It may seem daunting, but you know that’s what you need to do to progress
beyond hurried glances and nervous conversations between the two of you!

So have a little faith in yourself. Take a deep breath, go ahead and ask for
a date. You might feel a little awkward, but hey, if you don’t ask, you’ll never
get that date!

Your first date

Your crush says yes and instead of feeling happy, you start panicking about
how you are going to behave, what you’re going to wear, etc. Sounds familiar?

It is natural to feel anxious on your first date. But be positive. It’s not
as tough as you might imagine!

• Be confident. You shouldn’t be worrying about whether you
  are good enough. If your crush is out on a date with you, he or she probably
  likes you already!
  
   


• Take it easy. Don’t go overboard with the planning and
  don’t over-dress. The best game plan is to do something that you both enjoy
  and where you can be yourself. Go catch a movie if you’re both movie buffs or
  indulge yourself at a new café if you’re both coffee lovers. If you’re not
  sure what your date likes, just ask!
  
   


• To kiss or not to kiss? It’s easier if you just stop
  worrying about it and enjoy your date. The moment will come when the mood is
  right and when you are both ready, whether it’s your first date or your tenth!
  

Unrequited love – it’s all right

Sometimes the feeling may not be mutual – your crush may not be all that into
you!

Rejection from your crush can be tough and heartbreaking. But you can take
pride in the fact that you dared to ask. Otherwise, you’d never know right? At
least now, you can turn your attention to other matters (although this may be
easier said than done).

Here are some tips to help you get back on your feet:

• Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are not a failure. It’s not your fault
  if it’s not meant to be. You can’t change his or her feelings. So stop
  dwelling on it and move on to better things ahead!
  
   


• Don’t be embarrassed. You two merely have different feelings with regard
  to each other. In fact, he or she may even be flattered by your invitation for
  a date!
  
   


• Keep your mind busy. It’s tough to keep your crush out of your mind at
  first, so stay busy by doing things you usually enjoy. Spend time having a
  laugh in the company of friends, or try out new activities and make new
  friends.
  
   


• Let it all out. Don’t keep your feelings all bottled up. Talk to a friend
  you trust if the rejection is affecting you badly.
  
   


• Give yourself some time. You’ll soon realise the situation isn’t all that
  bad after all. Time will heal your pain.

Unrequited love and crushes can almost be considered rites of passage in a
young person’s life. One day you’ll likely find someone who is just as crazy
about you as you are about him or her!